Half Way To Ironman Training Weekend

Well the mantra came in very handy. For the first 3 of 5 buoys I sang the phrase happily.. "Just keep swimming". Although I started my swim with a freestyle stroke, my wet suit still felt too restricted. I decided to do my usual "backup" stroke the actual backstroke. As I swam staring out at the overcast sky above me.. I counted birds that flew by and listened to the sounds of swimmers passing me. I could also sense when a speed boat would be coming from the far off distance. I imagined that I had the hearing of a canine .. the sound was faint but very high pitched. I was prepared this time and knew to expect some potential waves when the boats would finally pass me. I would not succumb to any panic attacks today! This day I was adamant that I going to swim the entire course of 1.5 miles come hell or high water! I was in a good place.. the water was at 62 degrees which is the warmest its been thus far. I was also laughing at myself and telling myself that my focus was to have fun. I was in a rhythm and just grooving along. A few coaches swam by me and tried to convince me to try to freestyle but I exclaimed to them to leave me alone! That I was moving along just fine the way I was and that all was well. Each buoy was colored differently.. my plan was to reach for small goals. I would tell myself just swim to the next buoy .. thats all I would need to do. And then I would reach that buoy and have my own personal celebration in my head. I would then encourage myself to sight for the next buoy.. "Lets just get there Belinda".. "Holy shit.. you're doing it!". Then.. slowly it was coming on, nausea. No I would tell myself.. "Dont focus on that".. "Its all in your head".. "Remember to have fun!". Hmmmm well eventually the mantra of "Just keep swimming" was replaced with "Shit, damn, fuck" (Lent to me by a fellow teammate). With each stroke I would repeat this mantra. I could tell I was starting to feel fatigued and I still had 2 buoys yet to reach before I could turn around to swim back to shore. I could see my 2nd to last buoy... it was right there. I could also see my teammate Les. I wasnt too far behind him. He later told me that he was sighting off of me as we swam near each other. But at some point he looked up and I had disappeared. He finally sighted me going across the lake in the wrong direction. He said that I had stopped and popped up my head and had such a look of confusion on my face. Apparently as I was growing more fatigued with the swim, my backstroke became worse. I was told later that they could see me swimming back and forth across the lake.. and even in full circles at times. The 2nd to last buoy that I was so close to earlier.. I must of passed a dozen times. I kept getting further away from it. At this point I was cursing the Sea Gods (or Lake Gods)! I wasnt sure how long I had been swimming. Our Honoree Captain Mike Kyle (absolutely one of my most favorite people) swam along side me. He asked my at one point during the swim.. "What is your goal today Belinda?" I replied, "What do you mean, what is my goal today? He then replied, "How far do you want to go?" I then replied in a slightly irritated tone, '"My goal is to reach that last fucking buoy so I can finally make the turn around and swim back to shore! Why are you asking?" His reply seemed a little cautious., "No reason.. just wondering." I think he may have been afraid to suggest that I turn around at that very moment. Mike Kyle knew.. he knew that I was on a mission to complete this swim. So there I was gagging, burping, feeling green and trying to swim a straight line. Mike Kyle would be my guide.. my swim buddy. He swam along side me.. dragging his red Bay Watch floatation device. I would try to count out 30 strokes and then flip up to sight the next buoy.. but eventually I had to give that up. It would just worsen the nausea. Mike Kyle became my eyes. I could hear his voice.. "right, now left, more left, now right" etc.,
Eventually I made it to that last buoy for the turn around. Mike Kyle made me kiss it. For a moment I felt such a great sense of accomplishment. I actually reached that last buoy! Thats when I told Mike Kyle.. "Lets go the fuck home!"
Just as I was starting my swim back to shore... I felt the overwhelming need to vomit take over me. I yelled out for the red flotation device. There was no shyness.. the ugliness came from me. Usually im an anti vomit girl.. and if I must, I am very private about it. There was no privacy. There we were... me hanging on to the device and Mike Kyle still attached to the device. He was nice.. he said nothing. Looking back its all comical to me now.. but not when it was happening. After the ugliness settled.. I tried to make light of the situation. I asked Mike Kyle.. "Am I still hot?"(You see my nick name for Mr. Mike.. is Mr. Handsome) His reply was, "Yeah baby.. you're still hot!"..laughter then ensued. Okay.. I still needed to get back to shore so that I could get on my bike. Again I would flip onto my back.. with Mike Kyle guiding along. I tried to fight the nausea the entire time. I even tried to freestyle a number of different times but eventually would give up and flip onto my back. I had moments that I would yell out for my red flotation device. I kept getting false alarms.. I couldnt imagine anything else coming from my body. Well apparently I had a little more in there. Again I vomited and with what seemed to be convulsions. I still had one more buoy to pass and then to the shore. The head coach came over a few times ( in his kayak) and implied that I should be towed in. I kept telling him that I was fine and that I would make it. I was so close. I could see the shore.. I could see the swim coach.. I could see all the people waiting for me. I kept chugging along.. fighting the urge to give up. A small break here and there but moving. Eventually the head coach came over again. At the time I thought he was trying to trick me.. he said, "Belinda just lay there and let Mike Kyle tow you in a little while you rest" My reply back was quick and angry, "Fuck if I swam all this way for you to fucking tow me in now.... fuck you!" (I later apologized) And then I was fired up.. I stroked harder and faster then I had the entire time. I was going to do this! I was so focused that at one point I swam backwards into the shoreline and could feel my ass hit the bottom of the lake. As this was occurring .. poor Mike Kyle was trying to stop me but was too late. I just sat up. I was literally sitting in shallow water. It must of tickled a funny bone because I was hysterical with laughter.. we both were. I was just near the pier... I could of climbed out just about there but was instructed that I had to swim AROUND the pier to exit. At this point I was frustrated, weak, cold and exclaiming that I just wanted to get out of the fucking water!
My legs were wobbly but as soon as I could stand I had the biggest and most triumphant smile on my face. I immediately looked at my watch... 53 minutes! I could do this!!!! I was the last one out of the water and needed some help getting my balance. As happy as I was.. the people around me seemed concerned. No one was celebrating with me. Why? As I made my way up the trail and up the hill.. I was escorted and asked about how I felt. I replied that I felt a little tired but was so happy about my accomplishment... and that I was ready to jump on the bike. At the top of the hill I was told that they wanted me to talk to some people before I got on the bike. I was confused.. who did they want me to talk to? They pointed at an ambulance in the distance (its always standard to have one at a big event such as this). I thought to myself (or maybe I said it out loud)..you've got to be fucking kidding me.. im fine! The paramedics greeted me.. and before being asked... I automatically gave my name, the date, where I was and any pertinent information to let them know that I was of sound mind and body. They were not impressed.. I was asked to climb into the ambulance so that they could check my vitals. I was very reluctant but what could I do? I was asked a number of question.. hooked up to a heart rate monitor, blood taken to check my sugar levels etc., They asked me if I knew how long I was out there. I told them that I had been swimming for 53 minutes. Then the swim coach stepped in to inform the paramedics that I was actually out in the water for 1 hour and 43 minutes.. way too long for the water temperature. When I heard this I was in shock! There was no way I was out there for that long. I explained to the coach that my watch read 53 minutes. She calmly said that I couldve possibly hit a button mistakenly. Was I crazy? I swear I was out there for 53 minutes and someone was playing a cruel joke. Im going to have to swim 2.4 miles for my actual event and I have only 2 hours and 10 minutes to make the swim cut off. Holy shit.. I didnt swim well.. I actually sucked! I gave in at that moment.. I let them do what they wanted to me. I was wrapped up in warm blankets and watched carefully. They wanted to take me to the hospital to fill me with fluids. They were afraid that I was dehydrated from all the vomiting and becoming hypothermic. I told them that I refused to go and that I was going to be okay. I was also told that it was not in my best interest to get on the bike today. And if I did choose to do so I would have to sign a waiver releasing TNT from any liability. I was at a loss and I was completely exhausted. I eventually was moved from the ambulance to a warm van. I was watched closely, never being left alone. I was fed hot chicken soup and filled with electrolytes. I lost sense of time..It took most of the rest of the morning for me to recover. I was disappointed.. I wanted to do the half iron distance with my teammates. Coach Dave was nice enough to rack my bike back onto my roof rack. He came back to let me know that the Universe must have been trying to tell me something that day. He told me that I had a another broken spoke but this time it was on the front wheel. Even if I could do my ride.. I couldnt have. The paramedics kept returning every so often to check my vitals. As I sat in the van I made peace with all of it. I decided to look at the positive side of things. I actually swam 1.5 miles that day! I didnt give up! I didnt have a panic attack! I fucking did it and I now know that I can last in the water for that long! I have the determination and drive to do this thing... and I will do it!!


Eventually I was driven back to the campsite so that I could change into more comfortable clothes. I decided that I needed to support my Ironmates. They all worked so hard up to this point and for some of them this was their first half ironman distance. I decided to do a water stop with the team honorees Kevin and Laura. We passed out water, electrolytes and snacks at mile 10 to the teammates that were on the last part of the journey.. the run. I had mixed emotions as I sat there watching my teammates come in. I was dsappointed that I wasnt there along side them but at the same time I was very overwhelmed with pride. They looked so strong and they were doing it, while at the same time battling their own demons. I also got to know Kevin and Laura more. They're great individuals.. volunteering their time to support us as we train. Each of them have been battling their own personal war with blood cancer. They are the very reasons why we do any of this. So that we can help to find a cure. That hopefully there will be no more individuals that will have face something so horrible. I am in awe of both their strength and their courage.
The rest of the day consisted of cheering on the remaining teammates as well as continuingly replenishing my body with electrolytes. Back at the campsite.. there were cheerful red faces from the days sun and exhausted bodies. The spirits were high and souls triumphant. A celebration was going to happen this evening. There were comical skits preformed by various regional teams, a catered meal, and plenty of beer to be had. At one point during the middle of the evening festivities heads were starting to be shaved as a symbol of support for our honorees and others like them. Many men were willing to join in but would a woman? Through a series of actions... one woman did step up to the plate. She volunteered her head full of gorgeous curls for $1500 to go towards the Cause. Among all that were there.. promise notes were made and the sum total manifested. My dear friend and teammate Moddie stepped up. It was an emotional moment.. as Moddies hair was falling away to the ground around her.. our honoree Laura held both Moddies hands in hers and wept.
Through her tears.. she thanked Moddie for her courage, her sacrifice and her commitment to the Cause. You could see in that moment the emotional connection between the two women.
Our lives may be difficult and challenging at times. We may be tired or we may be depressed about our jobs or our life situations. Its fair to feel all of these things.. we're human. But we have choices. We can choose to change our circumstances. We can choose to be happy . We can choose to look at the positives. We can choose to get out of bed and live our lives any way we want to. But what if we cant? What if you were told that you have cancer and you only have so long to live? What if they say there is no cure but we have medicines that will make you lose your hair, make you sick and bed ridden but just might let you live? These people dont have the luxury of choice. Its.. Do you want to try live or do you want to die? Just think about it...ponder if it was you or someone close to you.. your mother, father, spouse/partner or child. Would you not want a cure to be available? What does this life mean to you? Please... make a donation today?....